I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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