Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
