remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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