Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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