all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
