so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im calling her cock vulture from now on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
