Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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