NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
