the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
