Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
