I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
