me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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