Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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