I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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