Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
