Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
