The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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