bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
