He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
