I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
