I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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