Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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