I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
