How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
