you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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