sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
