hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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