Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
