she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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