You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
