You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
