I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
