My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
