hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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