I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
