i already hear my dad disowning me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
