I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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