Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
