Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
this hospital has no fireball
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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