So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
