How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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