He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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