I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
