I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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