i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
