Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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