I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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