one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
