i permit you to call me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
