So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
