My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
