New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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