Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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