so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
