Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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