the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
