you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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