Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am available for nakedness
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
