Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
