I bet he comes in French.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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