If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
