it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
