Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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