We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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