I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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