Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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