We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Found the puke drawer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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